Note: any resemblance to persons living or dead may be a coincidence.
It has taken me a long time to get up to speed with
technology. I didn't get a “smart” phone until recently. I carried an ancient
flip phone that my wife gave me until I dropped it in the toilet. It was a great communication device. All I had to do
was press the buttons to enter a number. I knew if my fingers hit the right spot. I could feel the button give under my finger tip. The thing that I use now has a flat screen with little numbers on it that don't respond unless I place my finger directly over it and press it. I have to look at the damned thing to be sure that I dial the right number.
I can't believe that I said DIAL! I referred to "dialing a number" in class once, and my students looked at me the way my dog looks at me when she catches me getting out of the shower. The students tilted their heads and squinted their eyes in a collective, unspoken HUH?! WHAT'S THAT?
After class, I went to the engineering department to ask if it were possible to manufacture a cell phone with a dial. I just wanted to know, so I talked to one of the brightest stars in the department. This guy has a PhD and has accumulated dozens of awards, and he holds several patents. The guy isn't even thirty years old. If anybody could tell me, he could.
"Wait. What? What do you mean by a 'dial'?"
---You know. A round disk with holes for fingers in it with corresponding numbers for each finger hole. You stick your finger in the hole with the corresponding number and ---
"Whoa. Wait.
That sounds like science fiction. I don't think technology has reached that
level yet. Besides, that's much too tactile. It sounds ugly and unsanitary." [Ugly now has a sound].
--- It doesn't have to be pretty, and I'm not asking you to make one for me. I just want to know if it's possible.
"Short answer: No. Long answer: Go away."
I knew that he was kidding. You know how those engineering types are. Loads of laughs.
--- Well, okay. I guess the dial phone has gone the way of the typewriter.
"Wait. What? Typewriter?” That was the second time that he used that expression. I need to add it to my personal lexicon. I completely missed phat twentysome years ago. I don't want this one to get away. I hear Wait. What? a lot lately.
--- Oh, never mind. It's just a boat anchor." I picked up never mind over twenty years ago, I love that one. It's politely dismissive.
"Anchor? You mean like a rope with a heavy object at the end to keep a boat stationary? I did my dissertation on those things. You know, you can accomplish the same effect with a laser. All you have to do is---"
--- Hey thanks. I'm late for an appointment. Maybe another time. I'll let you go back to building death rays or whatever you guys do here.
If the mind truly boggles, mine did during that
conversation. It sort of hurt and made a rattling sound. That called for a nap. I ran back to my office to send out an email notifying my students that all afternoon classes were canceled. Everyone has
a cell phone, so nobody can say that he wasn’t informed. They can receive emails on their smart phones.
Maybe my smart phone is better than I first believed. If I can learn how to create mass mailings on it I won't have to be in my office to cancel a class when the mood strikes. I'll just send out a text or email to a long list of students whenever the mood strikes.
If anyone out there in the cybersphere can tell me how to do this, please contact m here at this website.
Tough luck to those Luddites.
